why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
