All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
