Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
