i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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