I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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