So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
