In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
