i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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