He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you never un-have a 4some
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
