Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
