I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
