its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
