another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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