I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
