Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
