Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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