Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
