Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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