Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
