it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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