he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
