these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
