And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
