Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
