Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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