you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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