Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
