I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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