I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize