I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
