he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
