just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize