Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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