well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
