I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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