I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
