Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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