it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize