New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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