Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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