We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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