Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize