Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
