SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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