my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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