i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
