I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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