plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
