Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So squirting runs in the family.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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