no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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