I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
