so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No stitches, just platelets and will power
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
