she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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