when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
