i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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