I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
