i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
