So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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