I'm lost and stupid without you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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