I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
