I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
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he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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