she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
