she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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