She's JV to your varsity
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
