Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
