You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
