He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
