I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize