i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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