grandma shit on top of the toilet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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