do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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