that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
