Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
