How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
