also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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