I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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