the condom got lost in my hair
only if we run a train.
done.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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