I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is Oprah even human
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
