the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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