he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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