I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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