She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Welp...herpes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
