i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
4 words: hood of his car
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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