i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
