Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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