Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
