We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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