you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
