yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
